From my Journal: How Many Times Must I Fail?
I started my journey in the summer of 2016. I wanted to change my relationship with alcohol. I was not sure exactly how or what I needed to do and I think I did what most people do when they think they might have a problem with something, they take a break from it.
So that is what I did. I started with a 30 day personal challenge.
2016 and 2017 I would repeat a pattern. I would give myself a challenge of 30, 60 or 90 days. I would complete them and continue forward without drinking but at somepoint I would change my mind and say to myself “You got this. Alcohol is not a problem anymore. You understand”.
I would have a drink or 2 with my friends.
With in a couple of weeks I was back to not liking my relationship with alcohol.
Oddly, enough most of my friends never really thought I had a problem. But they were not in my head and hearing my thoughts. I spent way too much time thinking about alcohol, regretting drinking, planning not to drink etc etc etc.
Here is an entry I wrote August of 2019.
My sobriety date is Oct 1, 2018.
I wrote about my experience of breaking a 60 day break in 2018 - just 40 days before I would quit for good.
60 days in on a 365 day goal … lets be honest .. on a lifetime goal. Why? Cause there is no benefit to drinking - I wrote this exactly 1 Year Ago!
I broke sobriety 3 weeks later after completing my first Triathlon…. Why? cause I wanted to celebrate. I wanted to be in the beer area and celebrate with my friends.
I drank all the way till the end of Sept. 2018.
In 2019 - One year later - I am 60 days from reaching the one year mark for my sobriety.
Interesting what a year will do.
I am grateful that this year when I finish the Tri I will not be tempted by the beer tent. Not even a little. Sure I might walk in to high five my friends but no need for the beer.
At some point in the last 9 months I just stopped wanting alcohol. I am free.
I am free.
I love reading that. It almost makes me tear up.
I want this for others that want it.
If I can be of help let me know.
Peace and Love Terry
I put up some new bookshelves in my office. Reading more books than my kindle these days.
Playing around. Visiting Family. After breakfast I went for a walk and found this playground.
The Open - Golf on the Radio - Do any of you listen to The Open? It is an annual thing for me. I love listening to all of the different people and the way they describe the course.
My Pull Up Progress
I want to be able to do a pull-up.
Being 90 pounds overweight does not help but that does not mean you cannot start the process while you are losing weight.
The first movement is called a negative. The downward movement. It requires strength for the downward part of the pull up.
1 year ago when I started this movement - I could not hold even 1 sec. I dropped to the ground in an instant. I see improvement and I want more.
The 2nd movement is the pull side of the pull up. I am making gains in this movement as well.
I am 52.
I am posting to document my process for myself and I am posting that I might encourage someone to start their journey.
Click the email link on my menu and tell me your story or if you are starting your journey.
Peace and health. Terry
Skipping with a 2lb rope.
I think I am ready to quit twitter.
Today was the first time I was able to do push up at ground level. a year ago I started against a wall and progressed. It is better to start on a wall and then move to the back of a bench etc. vs starting on your knees. Knee pushups will not help you progress. FYI -
My Reboot 2021
I am obesse with 90 pounds to lose.
I have repeated the same pattern the last 4 years of my life. It happens in 3 acts.
Act 1
January I get pissed at myself that I have gained weight through the holidays. I learn to forgive myself and I recommit myself.
Act 2
Feburary thought August
2 steps forward 1 step back. But weight comes off slowly. I do well for a week or two and then when I see success I “treat” myself to ice cream or some shit by telling myself I earned it. I earned it when I still look like this?
Act 3
Septmeber through December
I say fuck it. I accept bad self talk and give up. I tried hard and I am the same I have been for years, I tell myself. Enjoy the holidays and we can look at getting this going again.
I lose 20 pounds. I gain 20 pounds.
2020 - 2021
This year I did a little something different. With COVID and my Gold Gym being closed, I took to Youtube looking for workouts I could do at home and I found JT Texieria of Body Weight Strength
I also joined his community on discord via patreon.
I also decided to experiment with carnivore diet.
- Beef
- Seafood - Oysters, Shrimp, Sardines etc
- Eggs
- Bacon (limited)
- Coffee (black) + Tea (hot and iced)
- Avocado - with my sardines
I was successful.
So what happened?
I slowly started to go back to old eating habits. The difference this time was I never said “fuck it” I would reset.
On an asside resetting and starting again can be seen as a postive - the “Never Give up!” Good for you!. But reseting and then feeling that you know in 3 days there is an event you have to go to and that you might break etc. It wears you down.
Lesson #1 is that you must be honest with yourself. That is why I take pictures like these with my shirt off. I need to face myself. I assure you in my minds eye - I do not look that fat. In fact in todays FAT america - I look around and I am pretty normal.
Long and Short
Jan 1, 2021 my weight was 256 pounds.
Jul 1, 2021 my weight was 258 pounds.
I broke the cycle.
So now what?
To be honest, I had a small melt down yesterday. I had pitty party for myself “I will never be appropriate weight and strong. Just say fuck it.”
But the next day, I faced facts, and set my resolve. Again.
Lesson #2 No one is coming to save me. It is me vs myself each day. Each Hour. Each Minute.
Opportunity is here.
I am going to get this journey done and if you care to follow along - I am going to document my progress here.
My moto is showing not telling.
If you have questions, email me and ask. But recommendations? I do not have much to offer. Follow along and see what I do and if it might work for you.
It is my hope that my jounrey might inspire someone to start theirs.
Thank you for reading. Terry
No Shirt Decline Pushup
Today’s rainy day workout highlight.
No Shirt Decline Pushup - Trying something different. I was not planning on posting since no shirt. But you know it is helpful to “see” that fat hanging from me. It motivates me. That fat is not me. It can and will be removed. 1 day at a time.
Firecracker
My upper routine. Rows, Dead Hangs, and Negative pull up. Showing not telling.
Sunflower
[State of the Windows: How many layers of UI inconsistencies are in Windows 10?](State of the Windows: How many layers of UI inconsistencies are in Windows 10?) This is what I wish I would have written but of course lack the knowledge and skill to do so.
Time Lapse of the Morning Flowers Opening.
Finished reading: Destiny of the Republic: A Tale of Madness, Medicine and the Murder of a President by Candice Millard 📚
How to Start Your Bird Log
In March of 2021 took our family pop up on a week long solo camping trip to the South Llano State Park.
It is known as a birder park and the spring is a perfect time to come and see them for 2 reasons.
First, most of the trees are pecan and unlike live oaks (another popular tree in our area) drop their leaves. So it is easy to see the birds.
Second, this area of Texas is part of the bird migration pattern and there are several birds in the spring that we might
While there I spoke with a man who was an experienced birder and he told me what he does to track the birds he sees.
He keeps a bird journal and uses a simple setup. Each year he starts a new list. He counts each bird he sees once and logs it. He counts the male and/or female as one sighting.
An example of headers might be:
- Date
- Bird
- Where
- Notes
I hope you try it.
PS. Get yourself some binoculars too!
The Texas Ruby Red House Finch
A fellow micro.blogger Clifford Beshers posted a beautiful picture of a red house finch today.
Dipped in raspberry juice. That was the joke that always made my mother laugh. Those finches look like someone turned them over and dipped them in raspberry juice. link
I saw a red house finch in the spring this year at the South Llano River State park here in Texas. It was a beautful bird. The South Llano State Park is at the eastern edge of a lot of birds western migration patterns.
I am no expert. I am learning as I go and I picked up that little bit of knowledge from a birder I met at the State Park.
I searched around and found this interesting little writeup called The Texas Ruby Red House Finch from 2015.
These are all taken at Utopia, Uvalde Co., Texas, near southern edge of Edwards Plateau, and are all House Finch. The south central Texas House Finch has long been said by Texans to be the reddest of them all. It is no brag, but fact. But because they were caught bragging about the size of their state just once a long long time ago, nobody believed them. In my opinion this House Finch also has the sweetest song of ‘em all. I call it the Texas Ruby Red House Finch.
Follow the link and take a look at some of the pictures. Here is another link to his 2020 bird pictures.
Tropical Hibiscus
I think this is what this flower is called. My friend calls them a double bloomer.
Wishing you the best if you see this picture.
