I turned 50 in 2018.
I stopped drinking alcohol Oct 1, 2018.
I did not know that Oct 1 was going to be the day. I had failed many times before in the previous 2 years.
But that morning when I was writing in my journal, I made a promise to myself that it would be. I believed it would be the last day. I believed in myself.
That was my first little mantra that I used.
What I did not fully understand then is that those 2 years of relapse hell I lived in was moving me towards Oct 1st 2018. In the moment all I could see was failure on my part.
Understandably so. There was that voice in my head that would not stop.
- Have a Beer! - You have been so good on your plan. You deserve it
- Are you really not going to drink at this wedding?
- You have been sober for 6 months - alcohol is not a problem for you - you got this. Have a beer and just chill ok?
All of the above from my beast within.
I felt stuck in the mud. I was living ground hogs day.
What I did not understand was that all of that time I was weakening the addiction in myself. I was casting votes for a new identity. I weakened it enough and dug deep enough and journaled enough to build new habits and routines.
In short, I never gave up.
I used podcasts, books, videos, blogs and people IRL - that I experience their joy and their journey and I said to myself. “I want some of that…. I want some of that for my life”
I want to be a help to you.
I want to encourage and support you in your journey.
Take a step.
Send me an email or reply to this if you are reading in your inbox or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org Let me know you have started your journey.
I will reply. I can be your first sober friend.